Pear-Shaped

I have been feeling quite zen most of the day, despite the odd shooting pain through my foot, imagining Mother cocooned in her new room.

I tried to ‘phone. No answer. Over several hours I tried again. Still no answer.

Eventually I got through to someone who told me Mother was ‘fine’. English obviously wasn’t her first language, so I kept calm and began an interrogation. I didn’t get very far. ‘Yeah,’ she kept saying, ‘she’s fine.’

With that I had to be content.

Then I spoke to Aunt who visited today.

Mother was not ‘fine’. She was agitated and upset. She wanted the toilet. ‘We’ve just taken her,’ Aunt was told. “She wants it again,’ said Aunt.

“I didn’t like leaving her,’ Aunt told me tearfully.

Just about everything, no make that everything, I had been told, Aunt contradicted.

I don’t like this.

13 thoughts on “Pear-Shaped

  1. I sincerely hope that this is just a hiccough with some miscommunication and your Mother being unsettled due to the move. Knowing that you’re not going to get there for some time doesn’t help to put your mind at rest, but it could also be magnifying your fears.

  2. Oh that doesn’t sound good, Isobel but as Sophie says, it’s bound to be a little while before your mother settles in. If aunt can visit while your foot heals, at least she’s providing some familiar continuity. I know it’s really hard but try not to worry too much.

    Look after that foot. As Pseu said, do the RICE thing but don’t do as I did and give yourself frostbite with the ice pack. That just exacerbates the problems…

  3. I think Sophie makes a logical comment here, being unable to get round there, post haste, nearly always magnifies the worry. In reality, all may be well, the settling period can take time. When my mother first went into a nursing home, the matron warned me of all the complications I would witness, which would make me feel uneasy. She was right, I spent sleepless nights worrying. Then my mother began playing up when I, or family visited. Matron had me view Mum from a distance, hidden. My mother was a different person, very happy, and content, then I walked in, and it all changed. Until we experience life in a nursing home for ourselves, for real, we’ll never the effects it has. Try not to worry Isobel, and take it steady with your poorly foot.

  4. Thanks all.
    Aunt and I have discussed this and decided that we want to flag up our concerns at once. As Aunt was there, she’s going to call about what she saw, rather than me doing the third party thing.
    Mother goes to the loo frequently. Always has. I inherited her seriously efficient kidneys, so I do too. We don’t want to be calm and let her be left sitting in urine and distressed.
    I think it flags up the problems of a ‘home’ where effectively you hand over a loved on to the care of strangers. I’d rather be the fussy relative than let things ride.
    But I am trying to be calm (hence my second post of the evening), and I can’t do damage to my foot with frozen peas as I don’t have any.
    So there’s a bright side.
    Of course theer may be half a dozen more calming posts from me before I get to bed, but I’ll try to find other diversions.

  5. Difficult one, Isobel, but be as fussy as you like; or start as you mean to go on.

    Frankly, and sadly, they are probably more used to no one caring, so they may respond in a positive way to genuine calls for re-assurance.

    Only time will tell, and it is very early days, but best keep an eye on it, I agree. Your aunt is anxious too, no doubt, but be guided by her.

    To be honest, I would worry as you do, but give them a chance, and see if they respond.

    I do hope it works out.

    • We have heard such good reports about the place, as well as our own impressions, but it feels to me as the staff Ant met today think they ‘know’ about people like my mother, whereas everyone is different, and we are looking for personalised care, not a one size fits all. We have also been assured that this is how the place works, so I am disappointed and very concerned that when Aunt said Mother needed the toilet the response was she’d just been changed and not an immediate move to do something.

  6. Update:
    Aunt called today and spoke to the nurse in charge. She listened carefully to everything Aunt said and said she would note it and make sure the things Aunt had noticed were addressed.
    Aunt was reassured.
    That says a lot.
    I know from experience that reassuring Aunt is not easy!
    My foot, amazingly, seems almost completely healed. Still black and blue, but hardly any pain at all.
    So, two results.
    🙂

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