The ground seems to be coming up to meet me. It see-saws under my feet. If I turn my head too quickly it is like a stop motion animation, and my balance wavers. I am reminded of the feeling following a journey on the sleeper from London to Fort William, or if I have stayed afloat for several days. I am unsteady, destabilised. I cannot drive. I cannot ride a bike.

The kerb seems too high and I dare not risk stepping off it. I hug the inside of the pavement, scared I might suddenly fall. My hand reaches for rails, walls, any support that offers. My feet move slowly. I need to make sure I am in contact with the ground.

A colleague talks about hypertension and blood tests. She looks knowing, as though I am being blind to something obvious. I feel vaguely irritated by her, and fairly certain she is wrong. I manage to get an appointment with the GP. A young woman, she is reassuringly thorough and competent. On the wall behind her is a poster about tinnitus.

Mother had tinnitus and Menière’s Disease. She would feel sick and fall over. Nearly thirty years ago she had a drain put in her head to stop the fluid from building up and making the world whirl about her. When it stopped working doctors thought she was too frail for the same operation, so she elected to be made completely deaf in the affected ear.

All I have is a viral infection in my inner ear. I need rest and medication. My blood pressure is fine. The sun is shining.

26 thoughts on “Destabilised

  1. as a long-time vertigo-sufferer, I empathize with how the ground moves when you’re mindin’ your own business! yes, rest as Oaks said; it’s the best medication. Oh and laughter of course! –Laurel

  2. I do hope this destabilisation ends soon.
    My husband has suffered from this two or three times and your words remind me of his simptoms. It was’nt the blood pressure. I can ask him about the cure if this could help you at all. Lots of lyind down, though!
    Big careful hugs for you, Isobel

  3. It’s a very weird sensation – has only happened once to me (ear infection) but meds cleared it up quickly thankfully because it totally incapacitates doesn’t it! My sister has Meniere’s but has managed it very well my eliminating salt from her diet. I’m thinking your medication, REST and plenty of NotCat cuddling is in order,

    Pam (and Sam)

  4. As a family we went on a salt free diet overnight when my mother was diagnosed! I imagine there has been better progress in its management since Mother’s diagnosis.
    I shall be following your advice carefully.

  5. Oh goodness Isobel! When I first started reading this I thought I was a piece for 100wc. Then when you went over the 100 words I thought maybe you were writing an episode for a fiction meme. This must have been terrifying. I know what you mean about jumping to the worst conclusion. Hope you are feeling better soon. x

  6. I’m glad it isn’t anything serious, but I’m sure it isn’t fun to experience. Take care of yourself. I bet NotCat will enjoy some cuddle time. Get well soon Isobel.

  7. Thank the heavens and the stars that it is something that will have you down for only a few days. Not life altering. I could read the anxiety in your words of wondering though. God Bless friend.

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