Unseasonal and Untimely

I used to joke with C that we should make a map of our local area and mark the spots where we saw each other. This was because often we would see the other from the bus, a car, passing by the shop where we were paying for purchases. When we did catch up, there would be those conversations that began, “I saw you the other day…” We could have added the spots where we met face to face too. Marks and Spencer would have featured quite largely, especially the fruit counter. I met C when she moved in with O. Shy, with a dry wit, knowledgeable, a sommelière manquée, she had a smoker’s laugh and was someone who I appreciated and liked increasingly as I got to know her. I never hid from her if I saw her near the fruit.
Coming home last night I looked at my ‘phone and saw a message from O with the title ‘terrible news-C’. The message explained briefly that C had died, that it had been sudden. For all the brevity of the message, O’s love and loss and sense of shock stalked each word. There was a picture of them attached, two smiling people holding glasses of champagne. A picture to treasure. Incongruously I found I was smiling at it. Death is always dislocating. When my father died I remember seeing people going about their normal business and I wanted to go and shout at them,”Don’t you realise the world has changed? Go home. My father has died.” At this time of year when everyone is hellbent on celebrations and jollity, that dislocation is even stronger.
I hope to see O later.
Life’s a bitch sometimes.


34 thoughts on “Unseasonal and Untimely

  1. I am so sorry, I am tearing up for you. I just wrote a post where I said that the spring after my mother’s death in March, I didn’t want to see the first green shoots and daffodils and other signs of new life. I needed to live in the pain of death a while longer. I, too, have been angry when I saw people going on with life when my life had been stopped by death. An emotional hug to you.

      • My guess is that it will be a jolt every time you look for her/him in the familiar places and then realize that… This is doubly hard because you weren’t anticipating it.

        • I thinking will be a gradual understanding and realisation that she is dead. But my friend Alison died last year, and because I didn’t see her a lot, I still don’t really believe it. I thought I saw her several times in the summer in a place where we would both work, but of course it was someone with a similar build, same colour hair or whatever.

  2. Death is always unseasonal and mostly untimely. I’m sorry that you have lost a friend bu be comforted that her illness was brief and she has left a huge locker of wonderful memories.

  3. Sorry for the loss of your friend Isobel….I so agree though that at this time of the year with people reminding you “tis the season to be jolly” it’s hard to be jolly sometimes. Both my parents’ birthdays are this month – Mom’s tomorrow and Dad’s the 29th and they would both have been 96 this year…….it’s always hard getting past that to properly enjoy the rest. I do feel both of them in my heart however, just as you and O feel C I’m sure………


    • I would not like to equate my loss with O’s. O has lost a soul mate. That hurt is much greater than the disbelief and shock I feel. It is hard when we need to be sad or quiet and all around there are exhortations to celebrate and socialise.

  4. when i started reading i got a comment in mind, but now i wouldnt say it, death is realky bad, it is not bad for the dead because they are in safe hands, the hands of God, but it bad for us, who still live, we really would miss them, where all we have left is memories, i think you should really have that map.

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