Clearance and Flowers

Another day ends, and a glorious sunset at a quiet marina. I am tired. Very tired. Today has been hard. Lots of tears when driving. Lots of lurches while packing up her clothes for the charity shop. I bought so many if her clothes in recent years. There was the striped t shirt we got in the Marks and Spencer outlet store at Junction One just outside Belfast in 1999, which she loved and wore and wore. It set us off on a path of stripy tops that she enjoyed for the rest if her life. Her fleeces; plain and in a range of blues, pinks and mauves, with a red one thrown in for colour. Her waterproof is now on das Boot as a spare. We got it on a trip to Long Melford, one of our favourite places to visit. If you don’t know it and are in Suffolk, it is near Lavenham, but far less touristy. Lovejoy fans may recognise it. It is known for its antique shops, and the church is stunning.
The home has lost her Joseph blanket. They can offer compensation which I don’t want. I want the blanket. It is something I bought for her, something she liked, and I want it as a memento of her. It was on her bed when she died. A carer says she has seen it. My guess is that it has migrated to another part of the home. I shall keep pushing, but “we can’t find it” is curiously defeating.
We went to the chapel. Why didn’t I take a photograph? It is small and lovely. We discussed the service. We’re nearly there. Next to the florists who I saw yesterday. We agreed the flowers. They are going to be beautiful, not quite the country bouquet Nephew wanted, but in that spirit. Mother’s coffin is an autumn leaves design. I wondered if the colours, accompanied by creamy flowers and greenery, might be mistaken by some as a political statement. But the addition of the dark blue delphiniums we also we wanted pleased all of us. One of my less evolved cousins may make a comment, but that’s his problem. We headed back to our cars. I could feel myself slowing down. In theory I should have gone to the garage to buy some diesel for das Boot and to fill the car with petrol. In practice, I just wanted to get to the marina and stop.
There are more cars here tonight, but less boats. I am lucky. It is quiet and just what I need.

21 thoughts on “Clearance and Flowers

  1. Angry about the Joseph blanket…but also wishing you a long and sound sleep. You sound exhausted. Rest well.

  2. I am wishing you quiet peaceful sleep. Your work has been so emotionally draining but so necessary. Can you imagine the emptiness if there was nothing. But is is so hard to have to clean out her living space immediately because someone else needs the space. We faced that and it felt like a brutal attack on our senses. After my mother died my two sisters and I had to head way back north so had to take her things that we wanted from her husband’s home. I felt like I was taking all that was left of her from him. It didn’t feel right and I hugged him and cried and apologized. There were a few things I didn’t feel right taking from the kitchen but never got – they later sold them in a sale. It no longer matters to me now which is good. Blessings to you, Isobel and give MasterB a cuddle because he must sense a difference in you.

  3. I hope the sleep was a peaceful one. You take some time today for some of those wonderful pictures of the world that you take.

  4. I hope the Joseph blanket is found and returned. I kept my Mom’s old rain jacket too…’s my “backup”…..I still wear one of my Dad’s sweaters and I have his beautiful old German-made heavy sweater/jacket which is now an “antique” at 70 years old – it still smells of his favorite pipe tobacco. The plans you’ve made for your mother’s service sound lovely……I know you’re tired – it’s a long, sad and often lonely road – I remember. Continuing to send hugs and energy to you for this journey.


  5. It’s an exhausting process and I can understand your frustration about the blanket. It will turn up though.

    The flowers sound wonderful.

    I hope you are able to have a rest soon. Long days for you xxx

  6. You’ve definitely earned a rest….hope you can get some enjoyment from visiting friends. Rest well…very disheartening about the blanket. Perhaps in a few years, it won’t matter so much but right now, I know you’re inconsolable at the loss. I wish you peace…Give MasterB a cuddle for me.

    • Thanks June. Both my friends have lost both parents so we were able talk together about our feelings an the experience of loss. All our mothers have been I’ll before they died and none of us could have wished for them to continue much longer. Yet we all feel saddened, bereft by their passing. The gap they leave is big. We are all three lucky to have loved and been loved by our mothers. That is our blessing.

  7. Gently insist on the Joseph blanket. Have you a photo of it that could be pinned up around the home? They should be able to get it back to you.

    Great emotion causes extreme tiredness, Isobel. Be gentle with yourself and don’t try to build a “normal” amount into your days… take Master B’s lead and relax with him! There’s no greater relaxing influence than a cat, I’ve found. 🙂

    • Not sure if I have any photos. Maybe. A good idea. But other things have vanished and they just shrug and say they don’t know. There is little I can do if no one searches for it.

  8. I am glad you are going to have a day today to just be, with MasterB.. 🙂 Stinks about the lost Joseph blanket. Hoping with all my hope it turns up. I still have the apron my Mom wore to cook every Thanksgiving dinner, other things too. Your decisions for the service and your Mom’s coffin sound lovely. A quiet marina is a healing comforting place. Enjoy your float on your boat Isobel!

  9. I have just finished to catch up with your last dyas posts: I cannot but thank you for your sharing with us all the love you feel for your Mother. A love that shines clearly through your feelings and moves while saying goodbye to your time together, wuich is all your life and a great deal of hers.
    Good night, Isobel. Sleep well. xxx

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