No Matter What

It is the end of the day. We are nearly there. The funeral arrangements have had a sudden enforced change, but we have enough sorted out to feel confident. Mother’s good friend had been working on the first date we had for the funeral which changed within twenty-four hours. Somehow, none of us told him until today. He was going to speak, but now he cannot attend as he goes away on holiday the day before. He and I had a long chat tonight. I don’t think we can arrange an external TV link, but he is going to talk to the minister so that his notes can be part of the minister’s address.Not ideal, but it will mean he is part of the service even though he cannot be there.

Marina Sunset

Marina Sunset

Tomorrow, I am heading East by train. I shall see Mother for one last time. Her coffin was delivered today. Her hair will be tidy. She should be dressed in her clean pyjamas, her favourite dressing gown with the little sheep, warm socks, and with her white teddy bear to keep her company.
I have the lavender candles ready to give to the minister, though I still need to write my card to go with the flowers. When I come home I shall work on what I am going to say in my tribute. I know the poem I am going to read. It is one Aunt, the carers, nephew and I have read to her many many times. It would be nice if people join in when they remember the words, so we can hear each other’s voices, especially in the refrain: I’ll always love you, no matter what.

39 thoughts on “No Matter What

      • Your naturally straightforward and wry commentary on life would seem to demand to be included! My mother has been in hospice for a year–recalling the shared humor makes it bearable, tho’ it isn’t easy to remember through the angst (or the healthy dose of brain fog!).

        • Bits of this blog will probably be included, inform the shape. We do have to laugh, to leaven the sadness. It doesn’t mean we aren’t sad and hurt, but we also want to remember and celebrate, and remember honestly. My mother was no plaster saint. Are you able to speak to your mother on the telephone?

      • A fuller picture is best–much more fun, too. <:-D

        No, I'm not able to be on the phone with my Mom. I see her every few months… and we email occasionally. Mike goes to see her…. I send artwork or flowers along….

      • Yes, it is. I discovered how large a role the phone used to play in my life, especially with Mom. The immediacy…. Thank you, Isobel. I hadn’t meant to say any of this… your story has brought up a lot for me….

        I think you’re working today–and I hope it goes/went well. !!

        • Work was ok. Thanks. Just half a day, and something I was very comfortable with. Nice people too.
          Mum kept postcards I sent her. There are masses of them. Not sure what to do with them, but I am glad of the record.
          No man is an island…

      • I now have folders of my stuff that my mother kept–letters and postcards I’d mailed, grade school pics, drawings…. my goodness, I never thought about it, her saving stuff from me…. Now that I have it, I have no idea what to do with it. :-{

        I was *hoping* your work would be something familiar so that you could drift off occasionally and really not miss a beat! >:-D Regular life is good, too, right now.

        • I am thinking of making a Mother Memory Box. I think Pam mentioned she has one. Things I don’t necessarily want access to every day, or to be mixed up my other stuff. That might include cards I sent to her. and cards she sent to me.

  1. Oh, Isobel. How moving are yous words and deeds. What a great love they convey … !
    I am silently by your side, no matter the distance.

    • Thanks Maria. It was good to have the opportunity to talk more with the minister about her. He has only known her for a couple of years, so I was able to tell him how she used to be, including her very annoying habit of ending an argument with a quote from scripture and thus occupying the higher mporal ground. 🙂

  2. Beautiful photo…..beautiful post…..the farewell planned – I wish you strength for the day Isobel. I have a feeling you don’t need my little measure of “extra” but I’m sending it anyway.

    Hugs, Pam

    • I think they will smell good. We got them from the herbalist’s shop so they will be ‘proper’ and not the synthetic smell you get with some candles. They last for twenty hours and we are not planning to take them away, so the chapel should smell nice for a few services to come. 🙂

      • Yes they will smell wonderful. What a very nice idea.. 🙂 I would love a lavender candle. I will have to look for one today. I checked out the oils on the link you gave me. Nice site.

    • We want to get it right; for it to be something she would have enjoyed. It is Nephew who said the scarf should go with her. It was a gift from a gift from the sister of a dear friend, a catholic priest, after he died.

  3. Take care of yourself Isobel. I’m sure the service will be lovely – a farewell but also a celebration of your mother’s life. Will be thinking about you on Wednesday. xx

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