Went the Day Well?

I think it went well. Uncle Bill said he liked the tribute. Everyone liked and admired Uncle Bill. Aged 92, with all his faculties, he told stories about his and Mum’s exploits. He also admitted to fighting Aunt when she was still so tiny she had the fat wrists of babyhood. She smiled beside him and forgave him.
Nephew did the reading with sensitivity and feeling. Corinthians 1 13, verse 4 to the end.
Other Nephew started to rush the poem, but the words caught and held him, so he slowed to their rhythm, and his voice suddenly choked and faltered, and the raw emotion of his feelings crackled in the air.
Mother’s coffin was good. Her flowers were beautiful. People cried, smiled, looked serious.
I hope we did well by her. Being part of the service makes it harder to judge how the whole thing went. I had expected the shorter service at the crematorium to be less powerful, but it brought me up with a jolt. This was goodbye. Her ashes will be delivered to the nice undertaker tomorrow.
At St Pancras, on the way home, after a day in the bosom of my family, I suddenly felt naked and alone.

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32 thoughts on “Went the Day Well?

    • Thanks Gilly. I am very very tired tonight, but MasterB has been shut in all day, and most of yesterday, so i cannot crawl into my bed just yet, much as I should like to!

  1. Oh Isobel….it’s normal to feel all alone but really it’s just that today – saying goodbye – is when it truly has the impact of an ending. It is also a beginning. Living the rest of your life knowing you had her love and guidance to move you along on your path from here on out. I’m sure the service was just perfect. You are never alone – you have a lot of love in your life – family, friends and of course your faithful companion, little MasterB. I gave thought to you today knowing it would be hard for you – I hope you felt all the love being sent to you from so many of us both near and far.

    Pam

    • I think it was finding myself in a large shiny railway station with people milling about, and I had a bag of my mother’s possessions that staff from the home had given me after the service. I was much better once I got home.

    • Thanks Shannon. It was quite a strange moment to look around the chapel and see so many of her side of the family there. A sister and brother, nephews, great nephew, great niece, grandsons.

  2. We may be far away in miles, but love and thoughts of you keep us close. My heart grieved with you. Your mother is as near as her memory in your heart.
    Many hugs,
    JuneK

    • I have a constant video of her playing in my head. She is more real to me at the moment than the trees outside the window r the damp paving stones. Nephew was talking about where the energy goes when a life ends. It feels to me that it still around us.

  3. Had to be in the car most of the day yesterday. You were on my mind so much. You are on my mind today. Just want you to know I am thinking about you. You aren’t alone, we are here with you.

    • Thanks Pix. I dreamt about the funeral, woke fretting it could have been better, but I think that’s just reaction. I am at the Reader Organisation conference, final tea break, then into the closing sessions. It has been good.

  4. “Went the day well?” You questions has been asking me since yesterday when I posted my words and realized I hadn’t commented on your question.
    After having read your account of the day, I’m sure the day went well: you and your fammily did what you had to do: meet around your Mother`s corpse and pray and pay tribute to her memory. and then bury/cremate her dead body. It was a painful day but you did the right things and you were together doing so. That’s good/adequate: grieving over the common loss together. it wasn’t a merry celebration but a farewell congregation. Hard to live but necessary to perform.
    Don’t worry: harmony pervades your words. I feel blessed by reading/participating through you.
    A very big hug, Isobel

    • Thanks again Maria. Once I have a little distance from it, perhaps I will view it differently. I keep thinking of the things we didn’t say, yet knowing we couldn’t say them all. However, i am asking people to record their memories of her so we can have a little booklet. My Unce Bill will be busy!

  5. “I hope we did well by her”. Of course you did. 🙂 how could you not when you all love her so much?
    Take great care of yourself, Isobel. You are in my thoughts. xx

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