Tomorrow, as well as being my birthday, is the fifth anniversary of Mother’s death. Clearing out some papers a couple of weeks ago I found a letter sent by a friend I have known since we were both five. She sent it just before Christmas 2013, and I imagine it must have been contained in a Christmas card. In the letter she commented on the fact that Mother’s death and my birthday happened on the same day, and remarked that for me this is a time of year when the space between heaven and earth will be particularly thin. It certainly feels like it today.
Although tomorrow is the anniversary of her death, today is the anniversary of the last time I saw Mother alive. And on and off today I have felt waves of emotion, reliving some of the memories of that day, and other memories of very different times. I’m sure part of the reason for this is that I am at das Boot where I stayed as she lay dying and for for several days afterwards, and also that I was with Older Nephew yesterday so family feelings got stirred up with the pair of us reminiscing about Mother’s wonderful baking repertoire. For the most part we had different favourites, but we were united in loving the marmite whirls she would make from scraps of left over savoury pastry. Heaven.
We toasted her memory with white wine. If I’d thought of it I might have bought some Vinho Verde which was a favourite wine of hers. We had a fair amount to drink yesterday, and I think today should remain alcohol free. Unusually I have just had a cup of tea, Lapsang Suchong, which is about the only tea I like, and I’m thinking about having another. The weather has been much drier than forecast, but oh the wind! I went to the shops this morning and pulled a woollen hat down over my ears. This afternoon I did the same on a shortish walk locally. When I checked the forecast for tomorrow it showed sunshine, so I’m hoping it stays that way. I have all but finished reading Saturday’s paper, the heating is on and the interior of das Boot has had a good clean. MasterB has been purry and relaxed. The strong winds mean it’s very unlikely I shall get any reception to watch television and my internet access is very hit and miss.
So it looks like I shall have little choice but stay curled up in the warm with my book, have an early night and hope to wake early to blue skies and sunshine and Mother’s spirit close by me.