I’ll try taking a picture of her tomorrow and you’ll see her smile is just the same, but I thought I could see the skull beneath the skin before, yet when I first saw her today I was shocked.
Hours in her company have done their work and now I see she’s still Aunt, but I do wonder how much longer she can continue like this. She’s wrapped in layers of warm clothing, the central heating supplemented by a clever Dyson machine her friend gave her. I brought various fruit juices for her to try. The anti sickness tablets are helping her to keep food down, but as she explained, she isn’t much interested in eating or drinking. I think she’s shutting down. Certainly she is sleeping much more, and her mind is not so clear. She is forgetful, muddled. But that doesn’t stop her being independent.
Maybe my opinion will change tomorrow, but tonight I am wondering if this is the last time I shall see her. A good friend of hers who is also frail will spend Christmas Day with her. There will be visits from members of her church who have stayed loyal to her over these months when she has been unable to attend. She hasn’t written any cards, and she hasn’t put up the ones she has received.
I have to keep leaving the flat to cool down, but after a time the headache that started hovering shortly after my arrival settled on my eyebrows and now I am downstairs in the deserted lounge hoping the guest room, where I have turned the heating turned off and opened the window, will soon be cool enough for sleep.
It seems ridiculous that Aunt’s hot flat should bother me so, and I don’t know how to deal with it. I choose a seat by the window, furthest from the heaters, I drink water, but my skin quickly feels red and uncomfortable, my eyes dry. Aunt worries that I am cold. She offers me the electric hot water bottle I gave her last year. I feel I am running away from her when there is so little time left.
Meanwhile MasterB is at home. Rebecca and Edwin are looking after him. Or at least I hope they are. I’d feel a lot happier if they sent me a text saying how he is.