I know self-pity is a deeply unattractive quality and something to avoid, but this morning I am feeling very sorry for myself. Perhaps if I write it down I’ll feel better. I have a pounding headache, a horrible metallic taste in my mouth, and I suspect a slightly raised temperature, all the result of my second Covid vaccination yesterday. I feel betrayed. Everyone said the reaction I had to the first one would not be repeated.
To be fair, and I don’t much feel like being fair, it is a much milder reaction than last time. But again as I prepared for bed last night I began to feel unwell, to start shivering, To feel slightly sick, to struggle, even when under the quilt, to get warm. My head felt as though I had a tight band around it. This morning the nausea has gone, and if anything I am too warm, but the taste in my mouth and the headache remain.
To add to my woes my leg is very sore. Yesterday I had the extra margin of flesh excised from my leg in case there were any satellite cancerous cells establishing themselves near the melanoma. The doctor and nurse could not have been nicer. The procedure, under local anaesthetic, went without a hitch and by the end we were almost at the point of exchanging addresses so that we can send each other Christmas cards come December. The only bit that was disconcerting was when the doctor asked me if I’d like to see what he had removed. I don’t know, I was saying and looked up to see a larger chunk of my flesh dangling from a surgical instrument than I had imagined was being excised. It’s an image that will remain with me for some time.
Still, I was able to limp out of the hospital, onto a bus, get my vaccination and return home where after eating lunch, I settled down to some work, my leg raised on a cushion. It was only as the day wore on that I became stiff. This morning the whole area feels tight and sore. I imagine it’s my body’s reaction to what it perceives as an act of aggression. Too late, I want to say to it. Now is the time for peace and reconciliation, to comfort that spot and help it to look forward not back. This is the new us.
MasterB unusually slept under the covers last night. Right now he is asleep beside me. I know a cat’s purrs can be healing. Does a cat’s snores work in the same way? Whatever, he’s a comfort, and I think I am going to do my work in bed today, or at least this morning, cosset my leg and give it time to adjust to the new normal.
There. I feel better already.
Stay safe. Keep well.